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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 2185 comments.
blackswan said...
on Jan. 28 2009 at 1:41 am
thats amazing ur really good
Peaceseeker said...
on Jan. 27 2009 at 10:17 pm
I don't feel that you really tried. i'm sure that if you really tried you could be an excilent writer someday but right now you need to get your mind in the right place.
JustMeBnI said...
on Jan. 26 2009 at 3:26 am
its definetly different lol but isnt that what poetry is> trying to write emotions and feeling into words?
daniellemriexo said...
on Jan. 25 2009 at 9:31 pm
eyy cr im from SI too lmoo i <3 youre poem!!!
Em.Dog.95 said...
on Jan. 25 2009 at 2:41 am
Wow. that's beautiful
irishpride. said...
on Jan. 23 2009 at 1:11 am
Wow, this was a beautiful poem. I read it over a few times, it's very nice. :]
babygirl792 said...
on Jan. 21 2009 at 8:18 pm
I love this poem..its really nice..u r very talented
angelalynn said...
on Jan. 21 2009 at 1:10 am
Wow! that was really great, your very talented
The Otherworldlies said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 9:59 pm
Wonderful piece, Carl. Since I have ADHD, my mind sometimes refuses to stay rapt when in class, or reading-- But this poem captivated my attention. It was great. I'd like to also note that I absolutely adored your use of slant rhyme. -Ally
aaron said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 8:10 pm
maylin said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 8:07 pm
Carl I enjoyed the poem. I especially loved the ending, "then i knew that i was bound." the ending delivers the final punch, and the whole poem prepares one for this powerful and revealing ending.
Jim R. said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 7:49 pm
Great poem carl. Some people are just mad because their poem isn't number one. Trust me, you won't get any meaningful criticism on here. only a bunch of haterz..
check out my fictional piece: TeenInk.com/Fiction/article/16690/Dreams/
check out my fictional piece: TeenInk.com/Fiction/article/16690/Dreams/
c.c. said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 7:06 pm
oruga101,
No, I'm not cocky. I'm simple human! I know I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I will not sit quietly by and let anymore take away from my success! By the way, good isn't the best or the greatest! Don't confused arrogance with confidence.
Now can we please just talk about POETRY!
No, I'm not cocky. I'm simple human! I know I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I will not sit quietly by and let anymore take away from my success! By the way, good isn't the best or the greatest! Don't confused arrogance with confidence.
Now can we please just talk about POETRY!
oruga101 said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 4:31 am
Carl:
"And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! I’m a good poet and a good human being. "
All I have to say is WOW. Now I understand why your writing ability is where it is! It's because you let yourself become cocky. Once you decide you are good, you become the worst. It's a good lesson.
Your poem wasn't bad, but you should never decide that you are a good poet.
You still have a lot of work to do and I suggest taking some sort of creative writing class; it helped me improve dramatically.
Best of wishes on a bright future!
"And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! I’m a good poet and a good human being. "
All I have to say is WOW. Now I understand why your writing ability is where it is! It's because you let yourself become cocky. Once you decide you are good, you become the worst. It's a good lesson.
Your poem wasn't bad, but you should never decide that you are a good poet.
You still have a lot of work to do and I suggest taking some sort of creative writing class; it helped me improve dramatically.
Best of wishes on a bright future!
Josephine Demme said...
on Jan. 19 2009 at 1:37 pm
Carl, that was AMAZING! it was beautifully written and worded! wow
poetess123 said...
on Jan. 18 2009 at 3:10 pm
Hey R. Gallagher you can back off now. Just because you may be envious doesn't mean that you can go around knocking other people's work.
And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
melinda13 said...
on Jan. 17 2009 at 11:56 pm
Carl,
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
marymoocow said...
on Jan. 17 2009 at 4:22 pm
Wow. That was amazing!I like the emotion in it. You expressed it really well. But, as a reader, am i suppose to think that your dad is protecting you from failing or keeping you from trying?
Jaejae said...
on Jan. 16 2009 at 2:06 am
This is really amazing. I love how at first you put the idea of your earthly father and how he wouldnt let you, but made it in context with your heavenly Father and how he let you go try.
Great work!
Great work!
Mickey said...
on Jan. 15 2009 at 4:54 pm
I love the poem.I think you did a great job.
