I wanted to tell my friends my deepest darkest secret today

I was so excited I couldnt sleep  

the secret that i’ve been emotionally  DYINGGG to tell someone… anyone 

it’s been ripping my skin and making my bones numb, i can't even walk 

 been so exceeted- excited* i can't even talk 

I played the image in my head 1 2 many times 

Each time my smile getting bigger.. bigger

rerunning it like ice spices verse on boys a liar

and cardi b throwing a shoe at my girl nicky in my head 

we would gather and i’d have a big smile and rip off the bandaid and they would hug me and maybe even cry if i’m lucky 

they would finally get me because I love them 

And they love me

They were talking about plans today 

my favorite place Knotts Berry Farm 

some call it edgartopia now, but i call it utopia 

ooh they were talking for hours and hours 

I got so excited

Thinking about their famous pickle going down my throat 

Or the excelerator accelerating my heart rate 

But I guess there weren’t anymore flowers 

I guess we weren’t as close as i thought 

Because they were talking for hours and hours about plans… i wasnt invited too 

This isnt the first time either 

they have invited me to anything 

Coming back from a long night at the movies; getting boba on main street 

And laughter fills their air, why’ll sadness fills mine 

I was so excited but that excitement turned into disappointment

and disappointment turned into  loneliness

and long nights sitting alone in my room wondering if im even good enough to take up the space im sitting in

Would my friends be happier if they didnt have to hear me ramble all the time 

Because 

thank god i didn’t tell them my deepest darkest secret