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6TEEN
My heart started skipping beats in a strange way
my thoughts were attacking me day after day
I stuttered when I had a lot to say
I know, at that age, I could tell the right from the wrong
but not being able to talk wasn't that strong
Because I had my voice shaking
everitime I had something important to tell
I couldn't stop thinking whether I knew myself too well
I doubted myself
Doubted the way I talk
What if the words I'm saying are pronounced wrong ?
And it felt like hell...
I was lost, tried to heal
but things only got worse, and I fell
I fell in a loop I made myself called a "comfort zone"
Where the limits I made were strong as stone
By time,
they grew
and started suffocating me
I couldn't breathe,
and my hope fade away
so I gave up
and for the first time,
I had nothing to say...
But something inside of me couldn't resist
If I'm not willing to fight,
then why do I exist ?
And in all of a sudden...
I remembered.
I remembered the days, the nights and the years I've spent chasing my dreams
Suddenly, from the dark, a light appeared
and an anonymous voice was talking to me
and somehow, it didn't feel weird
You're the one
You're the one with a paper and a pen could make you destiny
You're the one who could define
whether the beggining of you journey is a start
or a reason for your dreams to end...
I started destroying the walls I made
fighting so hard so that my dearest dreams wouldn't fade
I admit, I was exhausted
But it was a sweet pain
And deep inside, I realised I was never right
When I stopped speaking just because I stutter
I could've been the reason for my life to shatter
But I also realised that it was never late
With the power I got, I destroyed what I used to call refuge
I'll hold my dreams tight, I'll make them come true
I'll make the HUGE
Because I know that accepting is the cure
my love to myself has never been that pure
I know that underestimating my capacities
is just depriving me from life opportunities
Dreams may be the spark that woke me up
But opportunities will make them real I hope
I have an inspiration,
not the kind that comes to you when you're spitting sunflower seeds
An inspiration that has turned my dreams into real needs
I'm not waiting for opportunities, because they're not scattered outside on the street
Time is passing by, sometimes it flies
before I even realise.
That's why I have to stand on my feet
And put every thought
into action...
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After almost two years of it being written, I finally decided to share this piece of me.
6teen is a result of sixteen years I've spent in constant pain and fear.
I always felt like I was betrayed by my own self.
All I ever wanted was to speak normally
and all I ever wished was to get rid of stuttering.
Only to realise that what I have to change isn't the way I talk, but the way I think...
And that's finally when I felt free, to express, to live and to dream!