I don’t want you to smile at me,

I don’t want you to smile at me as if I am just one of your simple acquittances,

As if we don’t know each other like the back of our hands,

I just want you to look at me,

Just like you did that night,

That look that spoke more than a thousand words could,

That look that made me forget I wasn’t the only one in the room,

That look you know you gave and received.

However, I know you don’t think about me anymore,

And I know you don’t care about me anymore.

I know you want nothing to do with me,

And I know you’ve tried to forget all about us,

The us that turned both our worlds,

And I see you’ve succeeded.

I see you are happier.

I see you are better off.

Just as I feared from the start, I cannot say the same for myself,

You are the only thing crossing my mind,

You are one of the very few things I care for,

I can’t even try to forget you,

And frankly I do not want to.

I know I will never be able to truly get past this.

Hence, I know I will never smile at you again,

I cannot smile at you again.

I don’t possess such strength nor such control,

But since you will and maybe already do,

I need you to do me a favour,

A favour to the me crafted solely by yourself,

The me unable and unwilling to open-up to anyone ever again:

I do not want you to smile at me.

I want you to overlook your strength,

The strength that I do not and will never have,

The strength that will make you able to look at me,

Look me in the eyes and smile.

I need you to ignore it and forget all about it,

So that I can keep feeding myself with my perfectly crafted lies,

And believe I marked you just as much as you marked me.

Please never smile at me again.