I am the Oldest

It’s not easy

I have a lot of responsibility

I'm the one people look up to

I help take care of you

I help other people feel better about themselves

But I don't take care of me

I never do

I take care of everyone but me

Especially you

I love you I do but there are times  where I hate you,

I feel horrible when I have these moments

I do 

Believe me I do,

But I can’t make them go away

It’s frustrating because I’m torn between loving you and hating you

When the times get hard I protect you  

And let myself become your shield

But

When those moments are over 

We go right back to you fighting me and me hating you

I wish we could stop

I want to stop

But I don’t know how

I'm the Oldest

I should know better 

But still I wish you understood 

I wish you understood the moments

The moments where I want to run

The moments where I wish I was hidden in the night so no one could see me

Those moments I wish that you'll never have but I want you to understand

Is that selfish? 

It feels selfish

It’s probably selfish

But I am the Oldest

So what can I do?