1: What you did

You arrived on the shores of my body like a conquistador.

Equipped and able to explore the mountains of my spine to the equator of my waist:

   to dump platinum in the ocean for not being gold.

   to give the natives diseases.

  to give the survivors your church.

  to abandon the children you had with them and

   to judge them when they peel the skin off a saint

and take her cadaverous blessing

because, yes, you also gave them your cisnormativity.

2: What you actually did, aka Rules for the Next Girl

You shall not have me in your prayers and your confessions.

You shall not treat me like your boyfriend; put your hands on my hips when we dance.

You shall not project your peoples’ problems onto the penis—  

the innocent phallus which these days I see as feminine

not as a contrarian but as a sincerely sinful heretic.

Yes, I am genuine, I think they’re cute,

I hate to focus on aesthetics without theology but this is Catholicism.

3: Your Questions

You say you are uncertain

about the love of God 

but you don’t commune with me either

and yes I believe everything is divine

but what that means to you

means violence for me, my exes, my girls, my sisters, and my people—

our thoughts have consequences.

4: My Questions

If bread can be Jesus, can't I be your girl?

Does the apple in my throat put you off?

Did you not notice it before or did you not expect to get this far

without Judgement for loving a girl?

How do you feel about yourself?

Does He let you love yourself despite being a girl?

Or are you a pillar of salt?

Did not woman come of man?

How better could I fit your parent’s book?

You know it says nothing about girls kissing?

It's Eve's apple. It’s Eve’s serpent.

5: I’m Not Heartbroken I’m Just Angry and Heartbroken

Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, but a woman who loves the LORD

is to be maimed in her own bed for she should be only afraid.

Go and confess what you did to me and how it felt, 

but my god thinks I'm pretty

and I use her name in vain.

What is a name but something to whisper,

to moan,

to search for in a Potter’s Field,

to remember,

to wear even when it’s too big so you eat and eat

and hope you grow into it?

6: What I’m Really Upset About

In the history of imperial plagues, 

From Antonine to Smallpox to Typhus to St. Covid XIX,

The laws they brought to the new world must be the most rampant. 

This parasitic virus fused to our genome, 

and made code that said:

“There is among the pagans much sodomy, sharing their filth and dressing as women.”

And

“There’s only room for one spirit in a body, and they always match.”

And

“Male and female He created them, and also Earth is the center of the Universe.”

And

“forget about how we’ve f**ked since we were in trees, THIS is how it’s done right.”

Oh and yes I said our genome earlier, 

I am sick too, but I can see again

while you are blind to the delight

of the unbearably bright self-awareness of a naked body.

That fruit was a bit of bite that was more than you could keep down.

7: Not Your Daddy’s Prayer

Goodbye Valerina.

Peace be with you,

and with my bony lady body,

and with the Americas.

May Santa Muerte

bring queerness to our lives

protect us from ALL illnesses

and bring balance to our desires 

because you want girls and god

and I want wine and girls that don't treat me like a sin.

Amen.