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The Mind/Body Problem
The mind/body problem had always seemed a stranger,
a gothic house of horrors, spiderwebs on the doorframe.
The word: Dysphoria.
The mind/body problem is not a romantic idea
it is the clawing carnal wrong of a pinch pot
We became acquainted in the mirror
the girl in it, picture of a bleeding heart divine femininity
crushed pomegranate rubies in teeth, and rubies of blood
in silhouettes of leeches on skin.
Squelching slimy slithering under toothy incisions
formed mounds with tenuous flesh.
Stretching and itching and girl-body
became a bug bite.
The image assumed to be me contorted unrecognizable.
I curse the invisible sculptor
a summoned specter who is not the sum of my parts.
She cannot be, this girl-body leech lady of the lake
and where in that am I?
I want to rewrite the rotted disconnect.
The mind/body dichotomy, golden goddess decayed
eaten from the inside, stuffed full shell of a scared little
boy.
I want to live in the forest and dig my own clay
mold the Achillion mind’s eye figment
of a body more cradle than Michelangelo's David
I'll take up the scalpel, slice the leeches
let them slip from under folds of skin.
Sew it back up again into crescent moons on my chest.
Scars are a love song from my body to me
and I hope that they are indigo.
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This poem was written to a soundtrack of the audiobook version of The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. It explores my relationship to my trans identity and my body as it relates to gender. I wanted to write this in order to communicate these feelings rather than obscure them. Poetry has given me a way to express and communicate my feelings while still having the room to be creative and sit with them so I can explore the ideas as much as they need to be. I am a 17 year old writer from CA, and I use he/they pronouns.