isn’t it strange

how after all this time

my mind still always wanders to you

in those moments between

the fading of an old thought and the blossoming of a new one.

asking itself if you’re doing well 

and truly wishing for an answer

though you’d never do the same for me. 

hoping that you’re happy

with the life you’ve found for yourself

no matter how much happiness

you sucked out of me.

and i know

you don’t dedicate a thought

to how i’m doing 

or hoping that i’m happy

or anything about me, for that matter. 

why would you?

you have them now.

i’m nothing but a fading memory

something for you to think back fondly on and forget

when those who remain in your life come calling.

yet in my heart

i still wish you’d come back

no matter how the tears bite at my eyes

when i even think of seeing you again

and tell me i’m worth something

that i’m not a waste of space

taking up oxygen that somebody more deserving could breathe

because for some sick reason

i need the person who gave me

these thoughts of hatred for my every move

tied up with a shining ribbon

like a gift that just keeps on taking

to whisk them away. 

and it hurts more that you look at me 

sobbing into my pillow 

carving your words into my mind

drowning in my thoughts

wishing i could disappear

and refuse to help even a little

than it would if you just walked away