How To Complain Effectively
My vocation is to complain. I do it all the time, and it usually gets me what I want without a single moment of hesitation. There’s a right way to complain, and there’s a wrong way to complain. The changes you can make in your complaints are very miniscule but will get you results, guaranteed.

Whatever you do, do not be an emotional wreck. This shows weakness. You are trying to show that you’re independent and can get what you want by being strong willed. Get your anger under control. You don’t want to be a brat, because the recipient of your complaints will straight up reject you the minute you start being a diva about it. Being upset and being efficient are two different things. Don’t get them confused because that will be your first mistake and it will get you nowhere and will put them on the defensive side of the spectrum, trust me.

Be realistic! Don’t make bizarre requests because that will just kill the whole point of complaining and won’t really be as effective as you had hoped. If you’re trying to negotiate, you have to be logistic about it. It brings us back to step one: Don’t be emotional.

Find someone to help you. If you have someone practically defending you, you’ve already doubled your chances of getting what you want. This can play out in two different ways: You both were either a nuisance and annoying enough to make the listener want to shove needles in their eyes, and they gave you what you wanted, simply by default. Or, option number two, is that you both put up a convincing argument and earned what you worked for, fair and square. This is really what you want, but if option number one happens to be the play-by-play, then just roll with it, and accept it. I mean, you got what you wanted, right?

Don’t bombard anyone with more than one complaint at a time. It will get you a one-way ticket back to square one. Too many issues can overwhelm the listener. This isn’t what you want. You want them to listen, and you have to focus on the number one priority which means having to dictate what problem is more important to you, and which one you really want to fix first.
Make sure you’re complaining to the right person. I mean this in more ways than one. Don’t complain to Becky about John when you know Becky and John are best friends, and you know Becky will be sly and tell John. This falls under more of gossip though, so don’t worry too much about that. What I really mean about “make sure you’re complaining to the right person” is make sure you identify the person who has the power to make the changes that you really want; then complain to that person directly. It’ll do you good, I promise.

Never forget, there’s a time and a place for complaining, so make sure you’re doing it at the appropriate time. Complaining upfront can at times make the situation worse. Complaining to the waiter during your appetizer, for example, when you still have three courses to go, may not be smart. Remember, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so be sensitive about the things you say.

Be prepared. If you’re trying to get something out of someone, it is best to have your facts straight and don’t let them bring up something from out of the water. That can throw you off completely, and will make your complaint and argument at least 101.5% invalid.

The moral of the story is, to get what you want, you may have to do some heavy complaining but not too heavy that you literally assault or harass someone in the process. It’s not difficult, but you have to be strategic about it. If there’s one thing you take from this, just don’t be a psycho about things. It’ll either work in your favor, or it won’t. If it doesn’t just try again. Persistence is the literal number one key. Use it wisely. It is a gift and a curse to be a master of complaints.