It was a gloomy blue day morning, as I wipe the eye gunk out of my eyes, remembering the day I woke up to and glanced at my phone to see a number of phone calls and text messages filling my lock screen. Awakened by the bad news, I can barely breathe. It felt like someone was pouring lemon juiced on my wound. While putting on my mass attire, I felt weak , not knowing what to expect, not knowing how I’m gonna take it all in. As I arrive at school my teacher explains the rules of it all. I block out everything he’s saying, just thinking “is this really happening”, “is he really gone.” I make my way to the church and sit by my friends, hugging as tears run down their faces, and hearing sobs in the distance from family members.

I remember the first day I met him. At first to me, he was just a boy with braids, a white t-shirt, a mole above the corner of his top lip,the way he walked was with confidence, and he took pride in the way he talked, his teeth were perfectly straight but you can tell he didn’t have braces because of the way he smiled. He was wearing a name tag that read the name Rashawn. He smiled promptly at me and asked “ Wanna race me in the jumper.” All of our friends hung out and had a good time. The number of days we had with him were great, but the very last day I remember so clear. It was my 14th birthday, Rashawn and I were talking about school and all the people in our class. The last thing he said to me when the day was over was,” Happy birthday kid, see you tomorrow.” but little did I know, I wouldn’t see him tomorrow or any of the days after that. I remembered how passionate he was about football, I saw him play for the first time before I had ever said a word to him. When he was on the field, he exploded. He was just as passionate about school as he was with football. He had a smile that you didn’t have to see to know he was there. He loved to have fun and was very smart.

I swore to myself in anger that if it was up to me I moved jumped in front of him and took that knife to the heart. All he was doing was walking and minding his own business, but then a burden of two boys came and caused trouble. With his two little brothers standing beside him confused and scared, one of the boys knifes him in the heart. But for what? To prove who is stronger and better?If that was the case it just proved how much of a bigger man Rashawn was than those two boys combined. I kept telling myself that I wanted it to be me instead of him because my heart was heavy. I felt like an anchor  was tied to my chest and it was pulling me down. The service goes by slow and sad, but the end as they make their way down the aisle with the open casket, I take one look, and at that moment as the tears run down my face, I knew that number 4, with the curly hair and bright smile, would never smile again, but felt selfish. Selfish because all I could think about was his smile, but it was the smile that brightened up my day. He helped me keep my faith, but now that he’s gone I don’t think I’ll ever have faith again, but everytime I play basketball number 4 will always be on the court with me.