Matthew. A name that finds its first meaning in the Bible. It was given to a Matthew who was accurate and documentative. Loyal. Committed and unwavering. All very comforting, relatable traits. Ones that I could say I see in me.

But not to be forgotten, there are more things that define the name. My name. Most of these things are from more modern times. Like how younger Matt defined the name. Or the fact that I almost wasn’t Matt. I could have been Ryan. Someone had to pick, after all.

Ryan, a name which flows similarly to Matthew. Like a mountain range with sharp peaks and smooth valleys. Ryan, though, flows more like a one-sided mountain. One with a large valley to its right, while Matthew is a family of peaks. To me, these are all just hypotheticals, though. Matt was the final choice. That’s what I’m working with now. Thinking about it, Ryan’s another Bible reference - but I think that’s just more of a coincidence.

I was the only Matt in middle school. Just possibly, there was a subconscious need to be something, maybe? Perhaps that played a role. Since I wasn’t sharing the name, I must have known I could be whoever. This reasoning was something that was freeing. The endless possibilities to carve something out as myself. I like to think that’s where things began. Where this me took the controls and made something for himself.

Perhaps these traits - the ones I now live with - are just like the mountain range of the name. Extroverted, like the large, noticeable peaks. Motivated, like the relentless shape of the mountains. The desire to continue to be something bigger. Something more and more different than what’s around. What I have defined before me. The current, present me. These actions have played right into the hands of the mountain-like name.

For all of the versions of this Matt: The ones where the definition had already been decided. The religiously affiliated Matthew. The one where Matthew wasn’t certain. The Matt that has lived this life so far. There’s the way these letters have decided my life. But then, just like younger me - there’s also my choice on how to continue.