My first name, Braden, has always been an enigma to me. 

My parents say they came up with it on a whim and liked it, nothing more to it. I felt similarly to the thoughtlessness of my parent’s choice, it doesn’t mean much to me, but my dad was intent on making my middle name Robert. His first name.

Robert, a stubborn, old name that doesn’t fit gently into anything. Robert, the rough gray in the sea of names. A tough name, like the muscle in a well cooked steak. Forceful and uncompromising in speech. While my father and I get along, we are very different people in terms of personality, likes, and ideals. Despite this, however, in many ways we are similar. 

Much like the name Robert, my father is a forceful and uncompromising man. Through my early childhood, he would constantly make me do a large amount of sports, from wrestling to basketball to track. My heart was never really in it, but I didn’t say anything. I desperately wanted my father’s approval. I’d do anything for his respect. 

I never found success in sports. The respect and pride that I sought for never came. I had always found joy in music, and so that's what I pursued. I practiced and practiced my trombone so I could be the best I could be, and to my surprise, my father approved. 

In a way, I am also uncompromising, but I let myself find what I really liked before committing to it. I refused to give up on my musical passion and I got what I wanted, but in my own way. I forced my way to greater highs with my instrument, just like how my dad forced me through sports, for what reason I still don’t know.

Robert is also a spikey name, just pronouncing it scratches my throat, and much like a pricker in the grass, my father can be rather unpleasant. Just like his name, my father can also be hard to deal with. He is stubborn and hates being wrong. I can be like this as well, but I forgive easily. While I get mad and can hold a grudge, I always forgive and let go. I am more forgiving of others around me and I am more open-minded to different ideas. Giving the name Robert a softer feel when applied to myself. 

The name Robert is rough around the edges, but I am anything but rough. Though I am a bit prickly. Inside, I am one of the softest people one could meet. I am one who forgives, who supports, who cares for others. 

So my middle name doesn’t really fit me in the end.