S56734. PL27098. R416532. I have gone by many digits, codes, identifiers. I’ve seen them scrawled out sloppily in big blocky letters, hung on posters, spoken in microphones. They’re valueless and change each time but they all have one thing in common. They hide me.

I like to hide; it’s not always the worst thing in the world. Clearly I don’t sign my checks with forensics labels, my birth name is Courtney, but that too hides me in a similar fashion. My birth name means ‘of the court’. It was assigned to me because that is my purpose - to one day service my society as a member of the court. A judge. An attorney. A lawyer. It helps me hide from choices.

Some find it odd, having an assigned role at birth. They find it confusing and confining, to be glued to a path. Choiceless. Perhaps if I were named something else I would be someone different, but we’ll never know. 

To look at it ‘glass half full’ - at least I don’t need to bother with searching for careers that pique my interest. Rather than spend hours on Xello, days shadowing careers, restless nights contemplating what I ‘could’ be, I can quietly slip into the cracks of a leatherbound book, reviewing the basics of vicarious liability, tort, and contracting.