I knew the day was coming, I knew exactly what you were gonna say but I didn't know how to stop it, I let the fear freeze me and that's something every day I regret
I was only 15 when you left my father. I had always been so attached to you, you were my best friend my hero. Everything happened in 3 weeks so fast. Yes, I lived in a divorced family but I had both of parents and I had a family still and neither one of them had the right to take that from me. I don't know if I'm still hurt from what happened I kinda just feel mad now but I know it's because you haven't came around.
When I found out about your new family it wasn't because of you and it hurt me but I didn't care I just wanted time to assimilate everything because it had always just been me and you, you knew my mom already had her new family and you new I accepted hers and would sooner or later accept yours. I love my mother and I will love her more than ever because she did not leave me like you did she did not decide to make a new family without me, she did not choose to block me out of her life as you did.
I remember the day it happened like if it was yesterday. I remember how slowly you stopped caring. Step by step you started to lose communication with me, something I now value that because I realized I never valued those times you would try to talk to me and now it's too late to even look back at them.
The communication stopped and that's when I started realizing what you were doing. You would avoid my calls, my messages and it hurt because you had never done that. The day I finally got hold of you I tried seeing you but you avoided me like if I was someone you hated like if I had done something to you. I put it in my mind after that that you were gonna leave.
Every day I kept repeating to myself “look what you did “ “you pushed away your own father” “ remember every little thing you did “ “It was all your fault “.I told my mom what I feared she said I was crazy maybe he was just working maybe he's busy don't assume the worst she said. Then one day I went to work and I had a strange feeling on me I messaged you for the final time, I told you, begged you to please talk to me and asked you what I had done to you that you started ignoring me. I got no reply so I decided you were just gonna ignore me as you had done for the past week.
March 29 is a date I will always remember because that's when you replied, I got home from work and picked up my phone. my eyes wide open when I saw I had a message from you. I was so happy to finally see you had messaged me and rushed to open the message, that day my worst fear became true. The day I thought would never come came, you're goodbye. I tried to reply I tried to call you but you had me blocked already you blocked me from all ways from your life. STill remember the words you wrote,“ goodbye mija I know you will be okay I love you so much but you will be better without me goodbye my daughter, you will later understand why I did this.“

The father figure I had left me I remember a cold feeling in my heart, I cried that whole night. I remember the feeling of my mom's tears running on my cheek as a laid on her stomach her heart broke as mine did. I couldn't believe it. The pain i felt all my memories rushed at once from when I was a little girl to now why dad why did you leave me I am only 15 I still needed you. I now will not have a father to walk with me when I graduate now every day of school I can't tell you what I learned I can't tell you that for my age I'm advanced in school. I can't tell you anything anymore. You will not be with me when I get married we will not have that father and daughter dance I will now not have you in my graduation, nor when I get into college, you left it all up to my mom now,but I can't hate you for what you did because overall you are my father.

I am so happy for you even though I will always feel like I'm missing something. I am so happy you are now with your new family I am so happy you got another little girl I won't have hate against the kids because they don't have anything to do with the choice you made.

I did try and look for you, and you rejected me. You pushed me away as I tried to hug you to show your wife you didn't need me. I wrote to you for 3 months after that day and when it was the exact 3 months I sent you the letters. The final words you were gonna hear from me because as you have moved on with your life I have to. Now to me, you will just be the father that died on March 29. I am so sorry that I couldn't be part of your new family but as you were a great father to me I hope you are to that little girl of yours.

Now every day I have to accept its just me my mom and my sister I have to look out for. Every day I have to remember I don't have you by my side and sometimes I will be good for months without seeing you I will forget about it but then comes the day where I meet you and everything goes back in my head. I wonder why you wouldn't answer my questions I think if you had answered them I would've been a bit better but you didn't. You left everything up to me and that's the part I most hate. I will live on with my memories of you and think about those days I would be that little girl playing outside with her father and it will break my heart every time i think about it. You were the official heartbreak I know I will never recover from. You were my best friend I lost.

It's now been 10 months since you left I am still trying to assimilate everything it's the first year without you. I passed my birthday without you thanksgiving, new year's, fourth of July and even your birthday. I will let you know I wrote to you again on your birthday and I lit a lantern for you. It is very hard for me still and I hate it because I see you passing on the streets very happy. I wonder if you ever think about that think how your daughter can just be in the corner of somewhere without you noticing looking at you and crying herself out because you seem so happy without her. Now every time i see a father with his little girl it breaks my heart because it will always remember me of you. I now go to therapy because my moms say I'm not okay I sit there talking about this situation every time. my therapist says my anxiety isn't going away anytime soon. she says it won't get better soon and that she's tried to contact you and you refuse to go. The old girl I used to be disappeared I'm not happy no more I try my best but I feel like I'm always missing something. I can sometimes be okay and then memories hit me and I go back to that same feeling.

I thank you for every little thing you did for me. I'm so sorry I was never a perfect daughter I hope someday you'll realize what you've done, but by then I'm not gonna care because i will have gotten through all this pain you are causing me. to me you died on March 29 it's sad it was the 29 because that is my birthday too. I will always have your memories and I hope you look back at them too. I won't ever hate you not even with all the things you did, not even for what people tell me now. I hope you are still doing good and I hope you never leave your new daughter as you did with me. I will forever love you goodbye father.