Have you ever woken up and have a feeling that something bad was going to happen. I sound very Meredith right now. It's just...I have a feeling. My back hurts, my head feels slightly disoriented, there is this sharp pain in my eyes and my heart. My heart feels its about to explode. I have never felt this way before. Never. When I get sick the only sinuses is my runny nose, dry coughing and at times my temperature will reach 109. This is not sickness of my body. This is something far more powerful than that.

All I can tell you is that I don't feel like I am turning into a Superhero. Spiderman woke up to great abdominals and better eye sight. I wake up looking, feeling and needing to… you know. Getting up from bed was rather hard, it felt as if my bones were about to break, my rear was numb, my arms having muscle spasms every few seconds.

What made the day worse was having to say goodbye to Meredith. I talked to her over the internet. Even though we were not physically together I could still feel there was something wrong.

I am just feeling everything today, aren't I!

She wasn't bubbly or happy as I expected her to be. And the fact that Monica , an old childhood friend, had verbally attacked her two weeks ago did not make matters better. Meredith. My Meredith Andrews . Eyes of the perfect hazel, heart of gold. Laugh better than the taste of the rainbow. She is every mans dream. I can tell you all the reasons why I love her. I can tell you all the reasons to love her. I can tell you what makes her cry, and all the things that make her laugh.

She is a guarded person. Letting people in is hard for her. She had walls made of steel around her tiny body. When we are together she doesn't like to talk about her growing up back in Boston. She cries for her mother. She lost her when she was ten years old, still young and naive to the world. She grew up with an aunt and her siblings, but there is never a replacement for the love of the woman who carried you four nine month. She was not there when Meredith had her first failure, or when she liked her first boy. She cries for not getting the opportunity to get to know her, not having a clear memory of them as a family. That what makes her cry.

A joker. She laughs at things that are not that funny. She laughs harder when they are. She laughs till her stomach starts to hurt and needing to lean on me from the stomach craps she put on herself. You tell her a joke about butterflies, about puppies, about talking hot dogs. She will laugh. Maybe not with you but at you, but you still get a reward of hearing the giggles coming out of her mouth. She likes dirty jokes. I am the king of dirty. I tell her about a night out of town, a night of moans and passion. She usually giggles out of embarrassment. But she still giggles.

Her eyes. They have something behind them that I cannot figure out. A whole story that can only be told slowly, not in just one sitting. I have known her for a good four years. The story has slowly been told.

Her heart is the reason I love her so. She cares about the smallest thing. She won't eat lobsters fearing she is taking a mother or father away from a family. She will go visit a shelter weather it is for animals or for the ill stricken children in Maryland.

She cares.

She cares for the people around her. Alex. He treats her just the fraction of what she deserves. A month ago he was sick, a slight flu and needed to be taken care of. Meredith made him chicken soup, she gave him his medication when he lost track of time, she missed a birthday party that was planned month prior just to tend to his weakness. She worried for him. She cared for him even though he treated her not nearly enough as someone like her should be. She has the heart to listen to my ever jealous ‘friends and stay away from me, her best friend.

This is why I love her. This is why I am going to say goodbye to her even though I feel I might just die.

There's the ugly and the beautiful. Meredith, she is only beautiful.